Returns Policy

Part 1

Contrary to what many would have you believe, Adult products are very different in many ways to other items you may have purchased.


So let’s explore this further; the items we sell are used in a very personal and very intimate way, so intimate infact they go inside your body, items are used in the exploration of sex and sexuality, items are used for personal pleasure and sexual stimulation, items are used for titillation and voyeurism with items actually being used in the lead up to the act of sex and including the sexual act, playing an important role in your sexual gratification and sexual fulfilment.


This is totally unlike the purchase of a bag of potatoes or a box of screws.


The same can be said for the type of clothing and the shoes we sell, once again these items play an important role in sexual pleasure and sexual stimulation, they are designed specifically with this in mind. They play an active role in sexual titillation, stimulation and play an important part in the voyeuristic nature of sexual arousal.


Our products are worn for sex, they are worn to get you in the mood for sex and the items are worn during and including the act of sex, playing an important role in the sexual gratification and sexual fulfilment.


These items of clothing are worn against the skin and touch and cover areas around the sexual parts, items made from Latex and Leather have even deeper sexual connotations.


This is totally unlike the purchase of an overcoat to protect you from the weather.


Part 2

We are all Human Beings, we all have different likes and dislikes, we all have very different tastes and we all have very different perceptions when it comes to personal hygiene and cleanliness.


Personal Hygiene, what does this mean? Some people are fastidious when it comes to personal hygiene; some people only get 3 showers out of a full bottle of shower gel, whilst some people don’t use soap or shampoo at all. We are not saying this is good or bad it’s what your perception of clean and unclean actually are.


Here’s a couple of scenarios;

A nice young lady purchases a Rabbit for the first time, she’s not sure she will enjoy using it as it’s her first time so it sits in the box for a couple of weeks until one night temptation gets the better of her so she opens the box puts the batteries in and has a play around with it. After a couple of minutes it’s just not doing it for her, it’s not dripping wet so it’s batteries back out, a quick wipe off and its back in the box on its way back to the supplier, Reason for return? Wrong Colour!


A guy is interested in anal play, he’s an Anal virgin, so he sees a medium size butt Plug and orders it. He’s away working for 3 weeks so it’s a month before he gets around to having a look at it, he gets it out of the box and thinks to himself, it looks bigger than the pic showed it to be on the web site so he tentatively edges it towards his ass hole, he manages to get the plug about ½ an inch in his ass and it’s a little uncomfortable as it’s just too big for the first time, he did not use any lube on the plug so it’s a quick wipe off, back in the box and on its way back to the supplier, Reason for return? Wrong size!


Now we are not saying that what these two people did is wrong, because technically most Adult online retailers have open policies that encourage these type of returns, this instils the thought process that I did not really use it so I can send it back, what they meant to say was, i did not get pleasure from it, therefore I have wasted my money so it’s OK to send it back.


Here’s a fact; the Adult industry calculate that a successful online retailer with their current returns policy can incur up to 30% of the items sent out back as returns, Just think about that! That means for every 100 items sent out they could get up to 30 items back on returns.


Let’s break that down some more and be conservative with the returns percentage and go with 15%; say the successful companies send out 100 items per day that’s 500 per week and 2000 per month at 15% that’s 15 returns per day, 75 per week and 300 per month.


What happens to these returns we hear you say? Well here’s where it gets interesting, let’s tell you what should happen, they should all go in a skip as it cannot be proved that an item has been used whatever story the customer gave for returning it, But we can tell you at the prices the items are being sold for online and the margins that the companies are working on don’t allow for anything like 30% or even 15% wastage.


Companies have different ways of dealing with returns, here are some examples:

  1. A visual inspection
  2. A sniff test
  3. Another quick wipe with an anti-bacterial wipe
  4. Last resort skip


Obviously if the item is so bad it’s going to be thrown away and no refund issued, but it’s possible that if it looks and feels like it’s not been used and it all works OK chances are it goes back on the shelf waiting for another customer to purchase it.


Hmmmmm we here you say and dam right! Are you getting the picture now?


Part 3.

We take your health, safety and hygiene and that of us and our staff very seriously, we are not prepared to compromise on health, safety and hygiene, you may be aware that there is still a large proportion of people that still don’t wash their hands after having a shit, pick their nose in public, don’t brush their teeth, and like the taste of ear wax.


A recent popular car show on British TV carried out a field lab test on 3 used cars, they tested by swabbing the driver areas of 3 used cars and guess what they found. They found snot, saliva, dead skin, faeces, hair including pubic hair, ear wax and urine to name but a few.


A recent case of children catching E Coli simply from stroking animals at a zoo, hospitals have proved that MRSA is carried into hospitals by people visiting the inpatients and is still rife in many hospitals.


What we are saying here is that there are many bacterial infections, fungal infections and viral infections that can be transferred from items that have possibly been used in a very intimate nature and we don’t want to take the risk.


We also know that the group of Dicks that push paper around for a high salary and make regulations to justify that salary would like us to have none of this and just accept back anything and everything, unfortunately health and safety come first, a regulation can’t get ill, a human being can.


Our returns policy; the first thing we do is we offer you the customer a 100% guarantee that the item you are purchasing from us is brand new and not from restocked returned orders


All items are checked before leaving for damage, functionality and build quality, we would never knowingly send you a damaged or faulty item. Although you are dealing with us as a company and we appreciate that we enter into a contract with each other the people behind our company are human beings too we are not here to piss you off.


Your part of the contract between us is to make sure that the item you are ordering is the item you want, we offer detailed sizing information on the clothes, shoes and boots we sell, you need to know your body size, you know your shoe size so why not the rest of your body, measure yourself and compare against the size charts, that’s what they are there for.


We have an Ethos that we would not sell you something that we would not want to use ourselves; we pride ourselves on demanding a high standard of product quality from our suppliers, we don’t accept crap nor do we sell it.


Our guarantee means that once you have purchased an item from us, it is yours to keep; it’s a friend for life, we don’t want it back, we don’t operate a sale or return policy, obviously if a faulty item has slipped through our system we will gladly exchange or refund the item; however our faulty returns are very low.


If you are unsure of what you want to order speak to us we will gladly advise, that’s part of our job, but don’t order from us on a try before you buy basis, it just wastes everyone's time.


Our in store staff are very knowledgeable and can measure our in store customers so they don’t need to try items on in store, agreed it’s a little more difficult over the web but we need measurements from you, our staff can tell by looking at you straight away what will fit you and what wont, but with accurate measurements we always come very close.


If you are buying gifts, make sure you have a good idea you know what they need and get sizes, we know it’s difficult but don’t forget you’re a human being the highest evolved beings on planet earth you will just have to be smart. Don’t buy stuff on a whim; we hate it when people buy us useless crap we don’t need.


When buying items be aware of built in obsolescence.

Planned obsolescence or built-in obsolescence in industrial design is a policy of planning or designing a product with a limited useful life, so it will become obsolete, that is, unfashionable or no longer functional after a certain period of time. Planned obsolescence has potential benefits for a producer because to obtain continuing use of the product the consumer is under pressure to purchase again, whether from the same manufacturer (a replacement part or a newer model), or from a competitor which might also rely on planned obsolescence.


For an industry, planned obsolescence stimulates demand by encouraging purchasers to buy sooner if they still want a functioning product. Built-in obsolescence is used in many different products. There is, however, the potential backlash of consumers who learn that the manufacturer invested money to make the product obsolete faster; such consumers might turn to a producer (if any exists) that offers a more durable alternative.


Estimates of planned obsolescence can influence a company's decisions about product engineering. Therefore, the company can use the least expensive components that satisfy product lifetime projections. Such decisions are part of a broader discipline known as value engineering. (Courtesy Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)


With the UK government and the unelected European parliament actively pushing built in obsolescence under the guise of things like the ROHS compliance, items manufactured now simply are not built to last.


The reason behind this is simple, consumers need to carry on consuming, consuming products generates commerce, and commerce generates money until all the earths resources are all used up.



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